This year I went to Wacken Open Air with a group of friends. Sounds absolutely normal, but it wasn’t. Me being the only lady in the group left me in the amazing position to look after seven guys of whom five had never been at a festival and were about to pop their festival cherry at Wacken.
What could possibly go wrong?
( a lot.)
When I told my friends that I will be heading to Wacken Open Air with a group of seven guys, from which the large majority had never been to a music festival I got all sort of responses. ‘Are you mad? Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re gonna die! Oh my god I would never do this! Are you sure this is a good thing? You’re crazy! Best of luck, you’ll need it.’ These were just some of the encouraging words of advice that I received upfront.
So let me tell you the story of Mama Duck Mel and her seven little ducklings that went on an adventure to the great north of Germany to discover a magical world of heavy metal. Before we even headed off it becomes clear that I am one of the light packers as all cars already overflowing with useful stuff and utter nonsense. After having sorted all my luggage we finally head of into the wild and rather sooner than later I meet my worst nightmare. I had been warned by one of my friends that boys will be boys and that at least one of them will wee in a bottle at night as the treck to the portaloos is just a tad too far, but I refused to believe that ‘my boys’ would ever consider this. Well…. I was so wrong. With the festival not even in sight I realised I was sat in a car with two very proud bottle owners that were happily talking me through the benefits of these bottles. Even until now I still refuse to think these actually got used during the festival. And if they did and then lived happily under our camping table for the rest of the festival I really don’t want to know….
After a journey which felt like forever we finally made it onto the camp side and got our designated camping spot, right next to the portaloos. Usually a literally shitty spot to camp but as the Wacken cleaning team only consists of absolute heroes the portaloos were well looked after, fairly clean and didn’t contaminate the air. My tent was pitched within minutes, I grabbed my chair, opened a beer and watched the boys struggle with putting up their tents. Oh the joys of Schadenfreude.
As I had to work next morning which means having to get up super early, I told the boys that I will be as quiet as possible in the early hours of morning to not disturb them from their precious beauty sleep. Next morning at 7am I was harshly woken up by someone aggressively knocking against my tent. Well, what a lovely wake up call, if only my alarm would have gone off later… Crawling out of the tent and being anything but a happy camper I tried finding the culprit. ‘We thought you had slept in, don’t you need to get up for work?’ our camp chef asked genuinely concerned. Yes I do, but not THIS early I retorted and fell into my camping chair… Well at least they cared about me. Next thing I know, I am surrounded by three guys doing their morning beauty routine. Mirrors, razors, shaving cream, tons of hair stuff, the lot…. Wow I definitely didn’t expect this. Turns out each of us could have started our own beauty YouTube channel right then and there, with all the beauty content that we involuntarily created on a daily basis. Another lesson I learned quickly was that all of the boys were all very much into personal hygiene, showering twice daily if time allowed, always smelling fresh and clean. I honestly expected the total opposite, but I’m happy they proved me wrong.
A few days later when camp mum Mel came back after a long day at work, we decided to venture out and explore the village. Picking up my seven little festival babies on the festival ground I was greeted by a bunch of obviously intoxicated lads that for some reason was very happy to see me. ‘Meeeeeeel….. I had a little mishap…’, our resident coiffeur approached me, right before turning around and presenting his ripped shorts to me. I didn’t even question what had happened that the back of his shorts was completely destroyed. Did I really need to know? Probably not, it would definitely save me from nightmares. After assuring him that, no his bum wasn’t on full display, I tucked his shirt into the back of his shorts shielding his back. ‘You’re so clever Mel, I didn’t even think about this’ said a shirtless coiffeur who had been carrying his t-shirt in his hands the whole day. Yeah, clever me, I know.
To be continued…